


A Magnus Archive of His Own

by IneffableAlien



Series: Awful old eldritch monsters on the internet [1]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Enemies to Lovers to Enemies to Lovers to Enemies, Fanfiction, Flirting, Fluff and Crack, Jonah Magnus does RPF, M/M, Metafiction, Mutual Pining, Secret Identity, Slow Burn, Social Media, Webcam/Video Chat Sex, romantic comedy tropes, soft but in kind of a gross way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:35:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 9,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27444988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IneffableAlien/pseuds/IneffableAlien
Summary: A selection of comments from Elias Bouchard's AO3 page.
Relationships: Elias Bouchard/Peter Lukas
Series: Awful old eldritch monsters on the internet [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2010955
Comments: 395
Kudos: 175





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Caused by the [Simp-bot](https://twitter.com/simpbot11) public Discord server, dedicated to them accordingly ;-*

https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretScotsman1818

**Fandoms**

Real Person Fiction (46)  
Historical RPF (37)  
Jonah Magnus - Fandom (24)  
Jonathan Fanshawe - Fandom (13)  
Mordechai Lukas (The Lukas Family) RPF (9)

Expand Fandoms List

**Recent works**

tattoos of memories (and dead skin on trial) by SecretScotsman1818  
**Explicit, M/M, Complete Work**  
Jonah Magnus - Fandom, Jonathan Fanshawe - Fandom

**Creator Chose Not To Use Content Warnings ,** Jonathan Fanshawe/Jonah Magnus, Jonah Magnus, Jonathan Fanshawe, Angst and Porn, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Pining, Eye Licking, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Historical, Regency Romance, Fix-It

Dr. Fanshawe is ready to walk away from this relationship. Jonah Magnus isn’t going down without a fight—but that doesn’t make him averse to going down in other ways.

Part **5** of like fingers on a hand: the beating heart of the physician

Language: English Words: 6,767 Chapters: 1/1 Comments: 2 Kudos: 8 Hits: 239

only the lonely can play by SecretScotsman1818  
**Explicit, M/M, Complete Work**  
Jonah Magnus - Fandom, Mordechai Lukas (The Lukas Family) RPF

**Creator Chose Not To Use Content Warnings ,** Mordechai Lukas/Jonah Magnus, Jonah Magnus, Mordechai Lukas, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Unhealthy Relationships, Anal Fingering, Face-Fucking, Face Slapping, Historical, Codependency, Bets & Wagers

_Mordechai smirked. “Jonah,” he said, “when will you learn that you’ll never win a wager against me?”_

_“My dear,” Jonah purred, pinning him with his gaze while slinking closer, “when will you learn that I never play to win?”_

Mordechai Lukas collects his due.

Language: English Words: 3,069 Chapters: 1/1 Comments: 2 Kudos: 11 Hits: 184

only the lonely can play - Comments

**SolitaireAtSea**  
wow. i always lurked on this site (not a fan of the social media aspect) but i wanted to tell you i made an account just to comment on your fics. i’m something of a history buff myself and the subject of the lukases is a special interest of mine. the detail you pack in your writing is impressive.

obviously i liked it for other reasons too. you uh hit all the right buttons lol

anyway, i hope that wasn’t too strange a thing to say. first time commenting. i’ll be rereading this!

**SecretScotsman1818** (Reply)  
Thank you for the comment, SolitaireAtSea (interesting handle). For what it’s worth, I doubt many fic writers are put off by compliments to their writing. ;) To the contrary, words like yours are what feed us.

I regret that there is no private messaging feature on this Website. Feel free to reach out any time should you wish to discuss history in earnest.

keep it down now (voices carry) by SecretScotsman1818  
**Explicit, M/M, Complete Work**  
Jonah Magnus - Fandom, Mordechai Lukas (The Lukas Family) RPF

**Creator Chose Not To Use Content Warnings ,** Mordechai Lukas/Jonah Magnus, Jonah Magnus, Mordechai Lukas, Dubious Consent, Rough Sex, Size Difference, Abandonment, Sad Wank, Historical, Dark, (not THE Dark)

Mordechai is afraid to be seen and known. Jonah is afraid to be left alone, unseen.

At least they have fear in common.

Language: English Words: 5,030 Chapters: 1/1 Comments: 4 Kudos: 7 Hits: 436

keep it down now (voices carry) - Comments

**SolitaireAtSea**  
oh my god this made me feral

i am so glad i made an account so i could subscribe to you. i have never slammed kudos so fast. why don’t your fics have more kudos??

i can’t believe i just got that your titles are song lyrics?? clever! i’ll have to follow pop culture better to keep up with you lol

you weren’t kidding when you said this was dark but that’s right up my alley.

again your attention to detail astounds me. it’s interesting how you explored the psychology of mordechai’s fear of being known in such a way that it felt like you knew him!!

excellent as always!

**SecretScotsman1818** (Reply)  
I am truly beginning to look forward to seeing your username in my notifications, knowing that you will flatter me like this. I hope you were able to return to a sufficiently domesticated state in a reasonable amount of time. ;)

Sadly there doesn’t seem to be much call for historically accurate Regency pieces on here. I daresay I would garner more attention were I to write some slapdash smut about someone else’s fictional characters.

Thank you for respecting my work. Of course, as a student of Lukas family lore, you know as well as I do that there was no knowing Mordechai Lukas. ;)

Two emoticons in one reply! Look what you’ve done to me, LOL. It is appreciated.

**SolitaireAtSea** (Reply)  
this may be a bizarre comment but you remind me of someone i know. that’s not a bad thing, i promise ;) i would never get two winky faces out of him though lmao

but seriously. happy to flatter any time. too bad we can’t talk more in private.

**SecretScotsman1818** (Reply)  
Do you do Discord?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xx [siliconealien](http://siliconealien.tumblr.com)


	2. Chapter 2

**@ SolitaireAtSea** (Online)

_ This is the beginning of your direct message history with  _ **_@SolitaireAtSea._ **

  
  


**SecretScotsman** _Yesterday at 11:06 PM_

Are you all set up? Is the application making sense to you yet?

**SolitaireAtSea** _Yesterday at 11:07 PM_

i think so

this is not something i do so thanks for bearing with me

**SecretScotsman** _Yesterday at 11:09 PM_

Of course. What makes it unusual for you?

**SolitaireAtSea** _Yesterday at 11:10 PM_

i don’t really seek out people to chat with lol. online or otherwise

**SecretScotsman** _Yesterday at 11:12 PM_

A solitaire player indeed. :)

**SolitaireAtSea** _Yesterday at 11:13 PM_

you have no idea haha

**SecretScotsman** _Yesterday at 11:15 PM_

Oh, I don’t know. I’m quite good at reading people.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Yesterday at 11:16 PM_

a people watcher?

**SecretScotsman** _Yesterday at 11:17 PM_

As you say: you have no idea. ;)

**SolitaireAtSea** _Yesterday at 11:18 PM_

i have to ask... as much as it might disappoint me

you write fanfiction... and you use this text thing...

i’m thinking you are probably a lot younger than me.

we can’t chat if that’s the case

**SecretScotsman** _Yesterday at 11:20 PM_

LOL

One can never be too careful online I suppose.

But no. I highly doubt I am a lot younger than you.

Let’s say I’m something of a “fandom grandpa.” I’m old enough to remember JournalFen, for one thing.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Yesterday at 11:22 PM_

okay i have no idea what that means but it makes me feel better for some reason

**SecretScotsman** _Yesterday at 11:23 PM_

I am however curious as to why you would be so disappointed already if we couldn’t talk. :) :)

**SolitaireAtSea** _Yesterday at 11:24 PM_

oh god that was an awkward thing to say wasn’t it

damn you do not miss a trick lol

**SecretScotsman** _Yesterday at 11:26 PM_

I am detail-oriented by nature.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Yesterday at 11:27 PM_

i don’t know... sometimes you feel like you know someone.

**SecretScotsman** _Yesterday at 11:28 PM_

I know the feeling.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Yesterday at 11:29 PM_

and i’m not easy to get to know. it’s my own fault

i mean i usually prefer it that way

maybe i’m projecting we literally just started talking

but you feel like someone i could let in a little

just. don’t take it personally if i don’t open up right away

**SecretScotsman** _Yesterday at 11:33 PM_

I understand.

And far be it from me to be the type to push people’s boundaries. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xx [siliconealien](http://siliconealien.tumblr.com)


	3. Chapter 3

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 11:53 AM_

Thank you for listening to me vent about my family before.

I know it was a lot to dump on an internet stranger

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 11:54 AM_

There is truly no need to thank me. Honestly I consider myself lucky in having no family to judge my proclivities.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 11:55 AM_

It’s not even just that it’s men

It’s complicated. They’d have a problem with ANYONE i got in a relationship with

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 11:56 AM_

So.  _ Am _ I an “internet stranger”?

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 11:57 AM_

...i hope not

I mean

We’ve only been talking a week. But i

Really look forward to it.

So maybe i said that in case you felt that way. Ha

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 11:59 AM_

For the record ... I think we may be on the same page. :)

I see you discovered the Shift key. ;)

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 12:00 PM_

HA

You really do notice everything

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 12:01 PM_

Perhaps take it as a compliment that I am interested enough to look.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 12:02 PM_

OH

OH

THAT was smooth

Now i’m grinning like an idiot

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 12:04 PM_

Good.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 12:05 PM_

The capital letters are because i’m on mobile

Unfortunately

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 12:06 PM_

Oh?

Why is that unfortunate?

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 12:07 PM_

On my way to a work thing. Actually i should go in but i’m talking to you lol. Just a meeting but i’m not looking forward to it.

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 12:08 PM_

I shouldn’t keep you from it.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 12:09 PM_

Well i wish you could

The person i’m meeting with... really does not like me much.

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 12:11 PM_

I find that hard to believe.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 12:12 PM_

GOD

I think you’re trying to kill me. Shot through the heart

Lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xx [siliconealien](http://siliconealien.tumblr.com)


	4. Interlude

Elias Bouchard smiled fondly at his desktop monitor, thoughtfully stroking under his chin.

Then he froze. He had a problem.

Actually, he had two problems: first of all, he had not felt this attached to someone in a long time, and he considered it a weakness.

And secondly … _Elias had not Looked at him._

Elias was enormously powerful, but that did not mean his powers came effortlessly. The world was a big place; the internet was arguably bigger. Elias would not even know where to begin to look for Mr. “Solitaire.”

Global technology complicated eldritch metaphysics. It wasn’t as cut-and-dried as spying from a painting, or a magazine, or even a tattoo. Without knowing where to “aim,” Elias was liable to follow the Sight of his stock avatar (heh) to any corresponding Google Images search result around the planet. Jumping in the oval dotted eyes of Discord’s generic _:slight_smile:_ might land him someplace really horrible, like a server for horny podcast fans or something.

Elias had considered dropping a picture of himself in the message. That would undoubtedly be the easiest way to sate Beholding and his own gnawing curiosity. But—the impropriety of such a presumptuous act!

Elias’s need to Know was in direct conflict with everything he knew about contemporary courtship.

Rousing him from those thoughts, Elias’s office door swung open to reveal Peter. Elias quickly minimized the window on his screen as Peter slumped down in the chair across Elias’s desk. “Elias,” he said, by way of greeting.

Elias frowned, then remembered that frowning causes wrinkles and fixed his face. Right, he had asked Peter to come. “Peter,” he said. His Eyes traveled down Peter’s body, and the frown returned severely when he noticed how well-fed Peter was. “Did you just eat one of my staff?”

Peter threw his palms up and smiled with all the sincerity of a multilevel-marketing boss babe. “I did not,” he reassured him. “It was a statement giver.”

Elias sighed. “An adequate compromise,” he allowed. Elias leaned across the desk and steepled his fingers in front of him. “Let’s get down to brass tacks then, shall we?”

“Anything you say, _dear.”_ Peter looked down at his phone halfway out of his pocket before tucking it back in.

A blood vessel in Elias’s temple twitched, but he continued. “I wanted to offer you an opportunity to become more involved with the Institute—all to your benefit, of course. There is a very good possibility that within the next year I will need— _what are you—_ would you stop looking at the time on your phone for fifteen seconds?!”

“What?” Peter’s head shot up as he re-pocketed the device a second time. “You’re good. I’m listening.”

“Infuriating is what you are!” Elias snarled. Nobody took a blowtorch to Elias’s seemingly infinite supply of cool quite like Peter Lukas. “You’ve always been an awful listener, that’s why I divorced you!”

Peter scowled. “No, _I_ divorced _you,_ because you are a jealous, possessive, angry little manchild who needs constant praise and attention.”

Elias shook with rage. “You have paid more attention to that phone in the last minute than you gave me in over a year!”

“Well,” Peter sniffed, pale eyes flashing, “who told you it would be a good idea to beg for attention from one of the Lonely?”

_“‘Beg,’ I, you_ —you are a _disaster_ at being Lonely, and you know it!” Elias seethed. “And how dreadful must that be for you, Peter, knowing that you secretly crave companionship, and that I _Saw_ that, _and that I am the one person on earth who would have ever given it to you!”_

A slow grin spread across Peter’s face. “I’ll have you know I met someone,” he said calmly.

Elias paled, then tried to cover for his abrupt loss of momentum by sounding uncaring. “You did not.”

Peter tilted his head teasingly. His expression was agonizingly cheerful.

Elias realized he had stood up at some point. He flattened his hands on the desk and narrowed his eyes. Then he turned his Sight, and reached into—

No. _No._ Elias was not doing that.

_He_ wants _me to Look,_ Elias thought spitefully. _He knows it is literally killing me not to Know who he’s seeing, but then if he’s telling the truth and I See it then his patron gets to gorge on my reaction **and I’d rather starve.**_

“Get out of my office!” Elias snapped at last.

Peter stepped to the door, then paused before leaving. “So lunch tomorrow?” he guessed. “To hammer out business details?”

Elias threw a hefty Eye of Providence paperweight at the door, which Peter barely avoided by scrambling to exit and slam the door behind him.

Elias grabbed his bespoke suit jacket and crumpled it into a tight little cushion. It was the perfect size to scream into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xx [siliconealien](http://siliconealien.tumblr.com)


	5. Chapter 5

wait around a while, i’ll make you fall for me by SecretScotsman1818  
**Mature, M/M, Complete Work**  
Mordechai Lukas (The Lukas Family) RPF, Jonah Magnus - Fandom

**No Archive Warnings Apply ,** Mordechai Lukas/Jonah Magnus, Mordechai Lukas, Jonah Magnus, Misunderstandings, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Ficlet

A study in words left unsaid.

Language: English Words: 796 Chapters: 1/1 Comments: 4 Kudos: 8 Hits: 198

wait around a while, i’ll make you fall for me - Comments

**ArchiveInstigator**  
Damn.

Ngl I don’t get the whole rpf thing. But this one sucker punched me right in the feels and whoever you are you deserve to know that

Can’t believe you made me soft for Jonah Magnus.

Cheers 💯

**SecretScotsman1818** (Reply)  
Thank you, Instigator.

**SolitaireAtSea**  
i don’t know what to say. i’ve never cried at a fic before.

i’m going to dm my thoughts but i know how much you like getting public comments :)

**SecretScotsman1818** (Reply)  
:)

* * *

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 9:42 PM_

hey

sorry i didn’t leave a longer comment on that fic. it kind of shook me up.

you’re such a good writer

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 9:44 PM_

Thank you. :)

Tell me why it affected you so much.

Also, how was your meeting?

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 9:46 PM_

heh

just as bad as i expected

so i was already feeling low

okay... this is going to sound nuts.

i really relate to the way you write mordechai

and the story reflected some of my past relationship.

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 9:48 PM_

That saddens me about your meeting.

Also, it doesn’t strike me as “nuts.” I do a fair amount of projection myself.

Nor does it surprise me that you relate. You remind me of him sometimes.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 9:50 PM_

???

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 9:51 PM_

In my research I mean. Haha.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 9:52 PM_

OH lol

that should have been obvious what you meant. i’m slow haha

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 9:53 PM_

You’re not.

Suffice to say that you’re clever enough to hold my attention.

You put yourself down a lot.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 9:55 PM_

huh... maybe

my ex-husband would say i think too highly of myself. lol

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 9:56 PM_

Hm. I’ve certainly seen no evidence to support that.

You were married?

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 9:57 PM_

yeah. it didn’t end well

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 9:58 PM_

I can relate.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 9:59 PM_

really?

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 10:00 PM_

My former spouse has no use for me.

I’m quite the villain in their eyes.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 10:01 PM_

she’s an idiot then.

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 10:02 PM_

Thank you. <3

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 10:03 PM_

_ oooooh _

did i just get promoted??

from a smiley to a heart LOL

!

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 10:05 PM_

Ha!

Don’t let it go to your head, please.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xx [siliconealien](http://siliconealien.tumblr.com)


	6. Chapter 6

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 6:45 PM_

What a day.

Do you know what ... often when I feel stressed at work, I find myself looking forward to messaging like this when I get home.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 6:47 PM_

it feels really good to hear that.

why was work bad?

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 6:49 PM_

Well, I head multiple departments.

Sometimes, being an authority figure feels much like I imagine it might to be a nanny.

One is not exactly thanked for helping people achieve their full potential.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 6:52 PM_

people don’t respect those who are just trying to run a tight ship.

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 6:53 PM_

Exactly!

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 6:54 PM_

may i ask what it is you do?

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 6:55 PM_

You may.

••• **_SecretScotsman_** _is typing..._

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 6:59 PM_

did i lose you?

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 7:00 PM_

I work in nonprofit research to the effect of preserving elements of history which would otherwise be lost to antiquity.

Hence my interest in niche historical figures I suppose.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 7:01 PM_

wow!

nonprofit

you’re a really good person, you know that? :)

and smart. good god. i can never get over how smart you sound

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 7:03 PM_

I try. :-)

I may or may not be blushing now.

For reasons entirely unrelated to this conversation, naturally. ;)

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 7:05 PM_

naturally ;)

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 7:06 PM_

Turnabout is fair play. Let’s hear about your work.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 7:07 PM_

nothing that interesting i’m afraid. basic import/export

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 7:08 PM_

A perfectly respectable trade.

There is something else I’d like to ask but you may think I’m too forward.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 7:09 PM_

please ask

i want to tell you things.

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 7:10 PM_

How deliciously refreshing. I want to know things.

What do you look like?

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 7:12 PM_

OH haha

i guess i have avoided sending a pic or anything. i’m not exactly a model

i’ve been called a bear

i don’t think i’m fat but i have plenty to hold onto. i hope that’s okay

i’m 6’5”

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 7:15 PM_

_ Oh. _

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 7:16 PM_

...ehh is that a good oh?

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 7:17 PM_

**Yes.**

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 7:18 PM_

LOL

well good ;)

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 7:19 PM_

What color are your eyes?

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 7:20 PM_

grey? blue? very light

depends what i’m looking at

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 7:22 PM_

Truthfully you sound like my type.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 7:23 PM_

your turn

what do you look like?

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 7:24 PM_

The opposite, lol.

Slim. 5’8”. Hoistable, ha.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 7:25 PM_

when men say they’re 5’8” that means they’re closer to 5’7” 0:-)

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 7:26 PM_

Libel!

Fine. I’m  ~~5’7~~ ” 5’6”.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 7:28 PM_

ohhhhhhhh

oh my god

why would you feel the need to hide that

you are almost a foot shorter than me

climb me please

listen to me

are you listening

that is so unbelievably sexy

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 7:30 PM_

LOL!!!

Please, I can’t abide so many compliments! You have to stop!

... Don’t stop. ;)

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 7:31 PM_

i don’t plan to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xx [siliconealien](http://siliconealien.tumblr.com)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg so cute!! I'm sure they'll fuck it up somehow lol

like a river flows, surely to the sea by SecretScotsman1818  
**Teen And Up Audiences, M/M, Complete Work**  
Mordechai Lukas (The Lukas Family) RPF, Jonah Magnus - Fandom

**No Archive Warnings Apply ,** Mordechai Lukas/Jonah Magnus, Mordechai Lukas, Jonah Magnus, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Out of Character, Self-Indulgent, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, The Author Regrets Nothing

After his parents disown him for being gay, young Jonah is forced to give up his silver spoon and work as a barista in order to pay his way at the Magnus Institute of Fine Arts. Every day, he watches the same regulars come and go—until a lone stranger arrives on an otherwise gloomy day.

Language: English Words: 8,840 Chapters: 1/1 Comments: 6 Kudos: 29 Bookmarks: 1 Hits: 273

like a river flows, surely to the sea - Comments

**ArchiveInstigator**  
Oh noooo I  
I have never read a coffeehouse au unironically before and  
OH GOD what have you done to me  
I’m soft sofft somfte HOW  
How dare you  
Bless

**SecretScotsman1818** (Reply)  
Ha ... I never imagined I might write one, ironic or no. :)

Thank you for commenting.

**StrangelyNotHer**  
Longtime lurker breaking out of the woodwork to tell you: more of this, OP. I’m serious. In the notes you say you don’t want to put off your subscribers by doing something so different from what you normally write. If you want to write fluff, do it, there’s nothing wrong with it and you have a gift for manipulating emotions. I was INVESTED and I just want your Jonah and Mordechai to be happy 😩😩😩

**SecretScotsman1818** (Reply)  
You are too kind. Admittedly I was not expecting the support I’m receiving. Thank you. :)

**SolitaireAtSea**  
this put such a smile on my face the whole time i was reading. what an unexpected treat.

i didn’t know this was a thing! i might have to read more of these “alternate universes.” you’ve set the bar pretty high for them though :)

geez i wish i was better at commenting. kind of intimidating to write out what i think for a writer to read lol.

i really felt for jonah in this. oddly seemed to reveal more of him than the historical fics?

i am delighted to see you writing something that would seem to point to being in a positive place :)

**SecretScotsman1818** (Reply)  
_i am delighted to see you writing something that would seem to point to being in a positive place :)_

I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.

<3

* * *

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 11:13 PM_

listen

hear me out

and i know i’m about to sound like a serial killer for what i’m about to say

because i’ve clearly put too much thought into it

but

i mean

you write about the history surrounding jonah magnus right

so the way i see it

although we’ve never discussed location

it’s not like you might be in america or something

you’re either in england or scotland

so an hour from me tops

or eight hours driving

probably the latter going by your username

and i know this is going to sound crazy

but honestly

i’d be fine with either

so anyway

what i’m trying to say is

and i swear i won’t be offended if you say no

do you want to meet?

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 11:17 PM_

Yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xx [siliconealien](http://siliconealien.tumblr.com)


	8. Missed Connections

It turned out that Peter’s “Secret” (much like Victoria’s Secret, but shorter) was in London, not Scotland, thank Forsaken.

They had agreed to meet at a little café in Chelsea, and Peter strode unseen through the city as those he passed clung to themselves and rubbed their arms against an inexplicable chill. A few people commented on how suddenly the sun had disappeared behind heavy grey storm clouds, and a thick fog curling up through the pavement left icy dew on their jackets and noses.

Peter Lukas felt great.

That wasn’t to say he suffered no trepidation. His blood thrummed in his ears, and he wondered if he was having a midlife crisis. And if it turned out to be something more substantial than that, then what did that mean for his health? Rejecting The Lonely for love had literally killed at least one family member in recent memory.

Heart problems indeed.

It wasn’t that Lukases couldn’t marry. Marriage was actually part and parcel of their worship, stressing only the most alienating aspects of biological family structures. But deep down, Peter knew he was no average Lukas, and he would be a poor fit for a proper Lukas-style coupling. Peter wasn’t built to pick out some tight-lipped outsider to dispassionately make more Lukases until she eventually got bored of being Lonely and divorced him, or didn’t.

What was it Elias had said? That Peter was a “disaster” at being Lonely?

Peter growled to himself in a low tone. He could not think about Elias right now.

Except …

Oh, god.

Peter stood outside the café, face drained whiter than usual, and gaped through the large shopfront window. Elias Bouchard née (informally) Elias Bouchard-Lukas (although it was Lukas-Bouchard if you asked Peter) née Elias Bouchard née James Wright, the awful little man himself, was seated in a corner far in the back by the counter, sipping a coffee that Peter knew was black.

He was drinking from a mug, which Peter noticed instantly, because he knew that when Elias went somewhere to sit down and grab a coffee that he would ask them to put it in a mug instead of a take-away cup because he was just that brand of pain in the arse and he insisted that _with a disposable cup he could **taste the cardboard**_ and Peter told him how crazy that was _but he never listened._

Peter definitely hated him.

He scrubbed his face with his hands. He was beginning to panic.

Peter had a date, at this café, with a 5’6” researcher who had a questionable writer’s hard-on for historical figure Jonah Magnus and his cronies.

(Peter could not believe how he had never stopped to consider how odd that was for anyone unknowledgeable about the Fears. They were not a phenomenally famous group outside the most esoteric circles.)

(Especially that Dr. Fanshawe. Who even was that guy? He was no avatar Peter had ever heard of, what made _him_ so great?)

Elias Bouchard was here, at this café.

It was devastating, obviously—but Peter had to face the fact that this could only mean one thing …

Peter would have to contact his date and try to convince him to move it far away, or maybe even reschedule.

Tragically, before those puzzle pieces could completely snap together in Peter’s mind, Elias caught Peter looking at him, sat up straight like an exceptionally tiny rod, and Looked back. Peter hissed and swayed on his feet. Dammit, why did Elias always have to Look so hard? Regardless, the point was, Peter was compelled to drop in and buy a coffee now, if only to explain away why he was so far from home and apparently stalking the Head of the Magnus Institute, who also happened to be his ex-husband.

He walked in to the café and made a beeline for the counter, which of course was practically on top of Elias’s table, because of course Elias would sit where he could watch everyone in line up-close and make them uncomfortable. “Oh! Elias,” Peter started lamely, “fancy seeing you here.”

Elias glared. He must have had something on his mind, because he didn’t typically bristle at the mere sight of Peter so immediately. “As one would expect so near the Institute,” he pointed out. “Why are you here?”

“Meeting a friend?” Peter offered pathetically.

“You don’t have friends, by definition,” Elias said. **“Why are you—”** Elias stopped himself and inhaled deeply, as if he were counting backwards from ten.

“You’re not going to dig around inside my head?” Peter asked. He was surprised to hear how fragile that sounded. _You don’t even care enough to Look?,_ was the unspoken question.

Elias looked away, like it was taking every ounce of restraint in his body to keep his mouth closed. He sucked in his lips. “M-mm,” he forced out.

“Hello!” sang the barista in that shining moment. “What can I get for you?”

“Pumpkin spice, hot, please,” Peter mumbled. Then he paid for his drink, shook his head at Elias with a bewildered expression, and left in a daze.

* * *

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 1:42 PM_

Apologies, but I have to reschedule.

Something came up.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 1:43 PM_

Are you okay??

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 1:44 PM_

Yes. In truth I am a bit rattled.

Would you be understanding were I to say I’d rather discuss it at a future point in time?

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 1:45 PM_

Yes of course.

Confession: i’m having a pretty unlucky day too.

So i promise i don’t mind because i was already questioning if we should meet

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 1:46 PM_

I see.

Saying “sorry” and “please” are far from strong points for me.

So I hope you will comprehend the weight of it when I say: I’m sorry, and please give me another chance to meet.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 1:48 PM_

OH!!

I’m so sorry, that’s not how i meant it!

I just meant we shouldn’t meet TODAY

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 1:50 PM_

Oh!

I’m so glad.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 1:51 PM_

Oh wow

I swear i’m not picking on you but that was... way more vulnerable than your usual vibes ha

That was sweet :)

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 1:53 PM_

How dare you! I am not “sweet”! LOL

But I do know when a thing is worth wanting. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xx [siliconealien](http://siliconealien.tumblr.com)


	9. Chapter 9

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 9:57 PM_

I had a thought.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 9:58 PM_

i am 👂 listening

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 9:59 PM_

Who taught you that?

No matter.

We are busy adults. Am I right in saying that it could be some time before we are free to try to meet again?

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 10:01 PM_

i will always try to be free when you are.

but unfortunately that may be the case yes

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 10:03 PM_

I am thinking in the meantime.

Evidently it is my turn now to be skittish in hoping for something ...

It is something with the inclination to turn intimate in nature.

... And I would very much be desiring that it does.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 10:05 PM_

i was already listening but now i am 👀 looking

respectfully, as the kids say

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 10:06 PM_

STOP THAT.

RIGHT NOW

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 10:07 PM_

lmao okay okay i’m sorry

it’s just so easy to imagine how cute you must be when you get flustered :)

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 10:09_

You might not have to imagine for long ...

What I am trying to suggest is that we get on camera.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 10:10 PM_

oh!

that would be amazing

i might not know how to do it. i’ve never facetimed?

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 10:12 PM_

Ugh, Apple ...

No, it can be done right here.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 10:13 PM_

then absolutely

but you do realize my mind is already in the gutter right

there is just something really hot about that

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 10:15 PM_

Good.

I enjoy being seen.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 10:16 PM_

exhibitionist?

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 10:17 PM_

Mm, voyeur.

But they’re really one and the same, you know.

The thrill of each stems from the fear of exposure.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 10:19 PM_

how is the voyeur exposed?

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 10:20 PM_

Because the truth of who they are is bound to come out eventually.

Does it bother you to hear that I’m into this?

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 10:22 PM_

hm let’s see... my little fun size twink wants to put on a show for me

yes it bothers me very much

my life is a tragedy

lol no it does not bother me.

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 10:24 PM_

LOL, you do know twink implies  _ young, _ yes?

Wait, you just called me fun-size. :(

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 10:26 PM_

it was a compliment.

i promise

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 10:27 PM_

You also called me  _ your _ “fun-size twink” ...

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 10:28 PM_

ohh.

i freaked you out.

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 10:29 PM_

Far from it.

I am weak for a man who uses words like “mine” under certain circumstances ...

It corresponds with that wanting to be exposed.

To be possessed is to be beheld as a passive vessel.

And to be passive is to make a game of placing one’s trust in another.

And because true trust can never exist between two people, to play that game is to tremble in terror before the one you pretend to trust.

To embrace the possibility that they might dip into your insecurities, shine a light on every secret.

But again, the other side of that coin contradicts itself.

Because ultimately you are docile, allowing another to rule you, albeit temporarily.

And  **that** means, for a single night or even an hour, not feeling the need to be the “king” or the smartest one in the room  _ for once. _

To turn it all off.

To say, own me, make me yours—

Let me exist as nothing but a series of holes to be filled and skin to be watched.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 10:33 PM_

...oh

we could get on cam right now you know.

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 10:34 PM_

Oh! Don’t be silly.

I’ve already applied my face cream for the night. :)

Shall we revisit this subject tomorrow?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xx [siliconealien](http://siliconealien.tumblr.com)


	10. The Mortifying Ordeal

Elias adjusted his laptop facing his bed for the seventeenth time. He was trying to determine what would be the most flattering angle for when he got in front of it.

There were several reasons for Elias’s nervous energy, not just those one might expect. It had been a long time since Elias had offered _himself_ up to The Eye, a sort of masochistic sacrifice, to writhe under its oppressive gaze and wallow in perfect terror. But this was exactly the right situation for it: Elias had already gone this long without seeing “Solitaire,” he could survive another 45 minutes or so letting himself be visually devoured until he was delirious with the need to open his own Eyes.

And after laying the last shred of his dignity at the foot of the Watcher, he would let himself Look upon his lover who had _witnessed him first,_ and the excruciating rush would put any human orgasm to shame.

Basically, Elias was edging, but with Beholding.

The blindfold set to the side was useless. The only thing that could prevent Elias from Seeing right now was Elias; the silk scarf was one part aesthetic, one part symbolic, and one part disguising himself as human.

Plus it felt nice on his skin.

Elias stripped. Then he heard the little _bloo-doop_ of a Discord message, and dragged his fingers through his hair all the way down to the nape.

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 11:06 PM_  
hey you :)

Elias bit back a smile before he replied.

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 11:07 PM_  
Hi … :)

 **SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 11:08 PM_  
was that a shy ‘hi’ from you?? ;)  
look i know you know this but i feel like i should say it.  
this idea of yours is insanely sexy  
but i WILL understand if you decide you don’t want to do it  
i never want you to do anything you don’t want to do.

Elias dropped his cheek in one hand, looking fond.

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 11:11 PM_  
I assure you, I’d never do anything I didn’t want to do. :)

 **SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 11:12 PM_  
okay, good :)  
in that case… god i can’t wait to see you.

 **SecretScotsman** _Today at 11:13 PM_  
And if you don’t like what you see?

 **SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 11:14 PM_  
i would gamble good money that you’re gorgeous.  
but you’re going to drive me wild no matter what you look like  
i already like you this much…  
just from talking to you…

Elias shook his head, unable to prevent the smile from forming.

**SecretScotsman** _Today at 11:16 PM_  
And how much is “this much”? ;)

 **SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 11:17 PM_  
when we’re not messaging i’m thinking about the next time we can be messaging.  
because all day long i see interesting things or laugh at stupid people and can’t wait to tell you about it.  
any time a song comes on that one of your fic titles is from i have to stop and listen to it.  
i get excited every time i hear that dumb discord sound.  
i like your quirky formal way of talking.  
i like that your humour is so smart that you could probably insult someone to their face and i’d notice just because i know you but they never would.  
i like how every time you write something new it’s because you need to bleed out your emotions somewhere but you think that you’re being subtle about having feelings.  
like you want to think you’re this inhuman robot but it’s actually so easy to either get under your skin or make you swoon from a few compliments and you have no idea how endearing that is because it’s raw and real.  
i like how you notice everything.  
oh, and i like how you’re the perfect fun size lol  
should i keep going?

 **SecretScotsman** _Today at 11:20 PM_  
Oh. My.  
I wasn’t expecting all that.  
It is rare that I find I don’t know what to say.  
Thank you.

 **SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 11:22 PM_  
that’s all you have to say :)

 **SecretScotsman** _Today at 11:23 PM_  
Okay … here’s what I want …  
I’m going to start a call in a few minutes.  
You’re going to see a little movie camera icon.  
But I don’t want you to click it right away.  
You’re going to give me a minute to put on the blindfold and get situated.  
And I don’t want you to speak right away.  
Just let me … show you.  
Can you do that for me?

 **SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 11:25 PM_  
god yes.

Elias walked back toward the bed and lit a few candles on the nightstand. He fluffed up some pillows against the headboard that hadn’t really needed fluffing, then looked around helplessly for anything else to do. He went back and forth with his Alexa for a while until she finally understood him enough to put on a decent playlist (it turned out that she responded to “play sexy jazz,” but he really didn’t like her tone when she repeated it back to him).1

And then last but not least, Elias clicked on his laptop to start a video call, tied on the blindfold, and made himself ready to be seen.

It took all of Peter’s willpower not to slam the button to connect to video as soon as the window appeared.

He let it ring for a while, as he promised, and joined the call. The video flicked into view, and Peter sat back and brought both of his hands up to his mouth. He saw a candlelit bedroom with a suspicious number of mirrors, an enormous bed with black sheets, and the well-muscled back of a man kneeling on the bed. The red silk tails of his blindfold hung between his defined shoulder blades, and the silver in his salt-and-pepper hair caught the light. There was quiet music playing. The man wore no restraints, but his wrists were crossed at the small of his back.

He had those back dimples. Peter was a goner.

There were a couple items on the bed in front of the man that he moved behind himself now. Peter saw that the smaller item was a tube of something, which the man poured into his hand and began to work between …

Oh.

Okay, but there was no way he was going to fit that—

Oh.

Peter thought that he may be in love.

Peter grabbed the glass of whiskey he’d brought and tossed half of it back, then returned the glass with a slight clatter. He ignored the distant alarm bells ringing in the back of his mind when he thought to himself that this man made very cute, very familiar noises. Then he noticed something on the man’s skin above his (beautiful) ass, and Peter leaned in close to the screen and squinted.

It’s funny how no one ever successfully gets rid of a tattoo. They just end up with a lighter, splotchier version of the tattoo.

Peter slammed himself back in his chair and clutched his collar, aghast. _“You lasered my name off?!”_ he shouted in horror.

Then his brain caught up with his mouth.

 _“What the **fuck?!”**_ Elias screamed. Peter never knew Elias was so spry. He had practically launched himself to the floor from the bed. Peter was sure Elias still had at least one inorganic object inside him somewhere.

 _“What the hell, Peter??”_ Elias yelled, wrapping himself in a sheet to stand and immediately tripping on it back down to the floor.

“What the— _me?! What the hell, Elias!”_ Peter had stood and staggered back from the screen at some point. “It’s been _you_ messaging me??”

 _“Oh,”_ Elias snarled, “don’t play coy with me, you wretched bastard! I can’t believe even _you_ would do this to me!” Elias stood and slid on the sheet again, this time catching a votive candle on the nightstand. He kept it from hitting the floor but hissed when the wax splashed across the back of his hand.

“I didn’t—,” Peter tried desperately, throwing his arms wide and managing to bang his wrist off a bookshelf. He yelped and shook it out. _“Motherf_ — Elias! I wouldn’t! I _swear_ I had no idea, I swear on Moorland!”

The last Peter saw of the video feed was Elias hurling an embroidered throw pillow at his own laptop.

It said “Live, Laugh, Love,” but Peter only knew that because he was the one who had given it to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 If there's an Alexa in the room with you and you have Amazon Music Unlimited, then please, I am begging you, for the full sexy Elias effect, ask her to play this.
> 
> xx [siliconealien](http://siliconealien.tumblr.com)


	11. Chapter 11

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 7:37 AM_

elias

are you online

please answer me

just listen then...

i swear on my family name that i had no idea.

even my sense of humour isn’t that twisted.

plus i’m a little afraid of you

okay i’m a lot afraid of you

elias would you talk to me please?

i know you’re not mad because of what i saw on camera.

i’ve seen it all before after all...

you still look great btw. wow.

wait what point was i trying to make

oh yeah

you’re hurt because i saw you be soft.

but i really didn’t know

and i’ll respect you closing yourself back off

i’ll never even look at your ao3 again

i promise

even though i really do like your writing

wait so did you really do those things with mordechai

sorry, sorry, i know that’s none of my business

but i just wanted you to know

and bear in mind that it causes me LITERAL PAIN to admit this

that i meant everything i said.

good god i’m going to have to throw an entire orphanage into the lonely to make up for this...

i liked being honest with you.

and i liked the you i saw.

and i’m

••• **_SolitaireAtSea_** _is typing..._

••• **_SolitaireAtSea_** _is typing..._

••• **_SolitaireAtSea_** _is typing..._

**SolitaireAtSea** _Today at 7:50 AM_

i’m sorry i didn’t see it sooner.

if i’m lying then may i have to stand in one of those queues at the airport where you’re roped in tight with everyone

if i’m lying, send me to america to disney world during the on season

may i be struck down with an uber driver who wants to make conversation

or take the tundra away from me.

that’s how sorry i am.

* * *

turn a different corner and we never would have met ... by SecretScotsman1818  
**Mature, M/M, Complete Work**  
Jonah Magnus - Fandom, Mordechai Lukas (The Lukas Family) RPF

**No Archive Warnings Apply ,** Mordechai Lukas/Jonah Magnus, Mordechai Lukas, Jonah Magnus, 5+1 Things, Loneliness, Denial of Feelings, Feelings Realization, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence

Five times Jonah swore he wanted nothing more to do with Mordechai, and one time he didn’t lie.

https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretScotsman1818/inbox

Inbox (0)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xx [siliconealien](http://siliconealien.tumblr.com)


	12. Fools Rush In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Peter to my Elias, wya???

“And that’s where we left off,” said Peter, spinning the cardboard sleeve around his coffee cup. His drink wasn’t even hot anymore, but the pumpkin still smelled nice.

Across the café table, Simon Fairchild grinned like a hatchet wound. “And this situation with your ‘friend’ has you so out of sorts,” he said, “that you, Peter Lukas, had to _reach out to someone.”_

Peter pinched the bridge of his nose. “Maybe I really am having a midlife crisis,” he muttered.

“Well, first of all, this ‘friend’ is Elias, so you can drop that pretense,” said Simon, not unkindly, as he kicked back and crossed his arms. “I can even understand it a little—no, really! He always did have an _eye_ for picking out attractive bodies.”

Peter tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling and groaned.

“Oh, you only wish you’d thought to say it first,” said Simon. “So,” he went on, “did you want my advice?”

Peter dropped his chin and shuffled up from slouching. “Did you actually want to be helpful?”

“Yes,” said Simon gleefully, “because you’re going to hate it.”

Peter sighed. “Lay it on me,” he said.

Simon held up his hands, pitching an imaginary movie. “You need to go to him,” he said, “and you need to make a _grand gesture.”_

Peter stood up, knocking his chair back. “Well, this has predictably been a waste of my time,” he said, starting to swivel away.

“Wait!” Simon exclaimed, lunging partway across the table. “Hear me out!”

Peter stared at the exit for a moment, then slid back into his seat. “You have thirty seconds,” he said.

“I don’t even need that much time,” Simon insisted. “Look, I’m not going to try to lie to you, obviously I find this all hilarious—because it is. But when you do what I am about to say, you are going to be so alone in a crowd, and Elias is going to be _razed to the bone_ by everyone staring.”

Peter furrowed his brow in thought. “You’re suggesting I humiliate myself, because of course you are … but in a way that actually gluts our respective patrons.”

Simon’s smile stretched out every wrinkle on his geriatric face. “What could possibly be more romantic than dinner and a show?”

“Come in, Martin,” Elias sighed, not bothering to look up from aimlessly clicking back and forth between various social media that had not updated.

“Sorry to interrupt,” said Martin, opening the door. Martin bit his lip before continuing, taking in Elias’s hungover appearance. “Oh, wow,” he said quietly. “I’d … I’d say I could come back, but I think you probably need to know about this.”

Elias finally met Martin’s eyes and tried to look down to business. “Yes, Martin?”

“It’s just, ah, well”—Martin grimaced—“Peter Lukas is here.”

The corner of Elias’s mouth tugged in a tic, betraying any stoicism he might have otherwise portrayed. “How unexpected,” he said flatly, reaching for his intercom. “Rosie failed to pass along the news to me.”

“No, no,” said Martin, fidgeting with his fingertips, “he isn’t in the lobby.”

Elias sat back. “… Oh?”

“He’s, uh,” Martin started, grasping for the proper word choice, “well, he’s outside the Institute …”

“Yes?”

“He’s standing outside the Institute …”

“I believe we covered that.”

“And he’s doing the, um.” Martin winced. “Well, he’s doing the boombox thing.”

Elias opened his mouth, more confused than he remembered being in about a lifetime. “The … boombox thing?” he repeated, with a head shake to indicate his cluelessness.

“You know,” said Martin, pantomiming above his head uselessly. “The boombox thing.”

Elias Looked outside.

Elias immediately slammed his Eyes shut.

Elias Looked again.

Elias came back to his office. He had decided (was hoping) there must be something wrong with his Sight. “Martin,” he said, drawing out the name and realizing he could scarcely hear himself over his own heart pounding, “what does ‘the boombox thing’ mean, exactly?”

Martin jumped when the door flung open wide, and Tim Stoker ran inside the office. “Oh, my god,” he said excitedly, “are you seeing this?? _Peter freaking Lukas is outside doing the boombox thing!”_

**“What is the boombox thing??”** Elias shouted, panic rising like bile.

Peter Lukas was doing the boombox thing.

Elias ran out front, then swung around outside the entrance to the Institute because he was being followed by an entire archive crew. “What are you all—,” he started, “all of you, _go back to the archives!”_

“Oh, nuh-uh,” said Sasha, “not on your life.”

Peter was standing on the pavement, facing the Institute with a stony expression, and he was holding a boombox turned up to full blast over his head.

It was playing “(I Can’t Help) Falling in Love With You.”

It was the 1993 version.

_“It’s supposed to be Peter Gabriel!”_ Tim shouted helpfully, hands cupped around his mouth.

“No,” said Elias dumbly. He was speaking as if only to himself, a thousand-yard stare in all his eyes. “‘Like a river flows, surely to the sea.’” He gripped his hair, looking manic. _**“My coffeeshop AU.”**_

Tim did a double take seconds before Elias ran down the steps to join Peter. “Your co—,” he wheezed, ugly truth dawning on him. _“Your_ coff— oh, no.” Tim blanched. _“Oh, no …”_

“Peter,” Elias panted as he reached him, “what on earth do you think you’re—stop!!” Elias hopped up and down, swatting at the boombox in a not-even-close bid to hit one of its buttons.

Peter quickly turned the volume almost off and set the boombox down. Before Elias could take a swing at him, he wrapped his arms around him and shushed gently into his hair. Elias’s heart was rabbiting around his ribcage, and Peter held him still until the horror retreated somewhat. Then he backed off him entirely, leaving space between them.

Elias’s face looked like he might have been sobbing into Peter’s chest, but he tried to pull himself together now. “Peter,” he choked, “why are you doing this to me …”

“I’m not,” Peter said in a pleading tone. “I’m trying to _make it up_ to you.”

Elias shakily smoothed back his hair. “But I’ve never been more mortified in my life,” he gasped.

“Yes,” said Peter, chuckling nervously. _“You’ve never been so exposed.”_

Elias stared.

“Was it good for you?” Peter prompted.

Elias paused, setting his disgust aside so he could focus on the moment. Then he let out a stunned huff. “Great, actually.” He looked into Peter’s eyes and laughed incredulously.

Peter gave a relieved laugh of his own and took Elias by the shoulders. “Elias, listen to me,” he started. “I never meant to hurt you, and I meant everything I said. Every day I looked forward to talking to you.” Elias opened his mouth to interrupt, probably to say something asinine like _we weren’t technically ‘talking,’_ so Peter barreled ahead. “You made me feel …”

Peter was losing steam.

“Tell me, Peter,” Elias said urgently, but there was no compulsion in it.

“No, that’s just it,” said Peter. _“You made me feel._

“I felt. I had _emotions.”_

Elias’s brows knit together, and he nodded tersely. “I felt things, too,” he confessed.

Peter slid his hands up to Elias’s face. “We’re monsters,” he said simply. “We destroy people to get what we want. And one day one of us is probably going to lead to the death of the other one, and it won’t even be personal.”

Elias looked tender. “Oh, it will be me who’s the death of you,” he assured him. “I’m much cleverer than you are.”

Peter barked out a laugh. “Sure,” he acquiesced. He pushed Elias’s hair back off his forehead. “Anyway,” he said, “of all the people I’m willing to destroy because of what I am, I want to destroy you the least.”

Elias turned his head to nuzzle one great big calloused hand.

“So what I’m trying to say is, if I ever feel anything at all again, I want it to be with you.”

Elias pressed his mouth into Peter’s hand to hide his smile, then nodded.

“Just kiss already!” Martin called from the steps. Peter and Elias’s heads shot up, at the same instant that Sasha, Tim, and Jon turned to gawk at Martin. “Well, I mean,” said Martin, motioning at the pair, “they’re hateful old bastards, but it would be sort of … poetic. Right?”

“I really do hate poetry,” Jon mumbled.

Elias’s head snapped to look at Peter. His pupils were blown wide. “I don’t need to be kissed right now,” he said breathlessly. “I need to be—”

“Right, I know,” said Peter, “I have not stopped thinking about—”

“Office,” said Elias. “Now.”

_“Hhh_ —should we wait until we—a- _ahh!_ —get to your office, I’m sure this elevator has cameras—”

“Ohh, Beholding, _yes, Peter,_ **talk to me about cameras—”**

_DING._

“What— _NO OH GOD PLEASE WHY NO—”_

__

__

_“ TAKE THE STAIRS, TIMOTHY STOKER!!”_

Elias Bouchard was very hoistable.

Elias glistened with afterglow in Peter’s lap in his office chair. He ghosted his lips over the column of Peter’s neck, not quite kissing it. “Now what?” he asked, sounding a little lost.

“Well,” said Peter, “the way I see it, if we’re not doing this, then we’re fighting. But,” he paused, embarrassed, “… SolitaireAtSea and SecretScotsman don’t fight.”

Elias looked up. “What are you implying?”

“What if we just kept doing it?” Peter asked. “Who says we can’t keep doing it?”

Elias arched an eyebrow. “You mean, keep having an online relationship? Like as if we don’t know who we’re talking to?”

“Why not?” Peter insisted. “We can handle having a relationship on there. We can pass for something like human there. We can’t _kill each other_ on there. It’s like ‘relationship lite.’” Peter stroked up Elias’s back. “We do this when we can, and the rest of the time …”

“We just … carry on being decent to each other on there as we have been,” Elias finished for him, wonderingly.

“Exactly,” said Peter. He flashed a sharp-toothed grin. “And just think … if you got on cam again, I could be recording it, and I could ruin this Institute’s reputation even further by exposing your secrets …”

Elias looked terribly fond. “How horrifying,” he whispered. “And it must be nastily lonely as well, to see your lover and exchange words with them but never be able to touch them …”

“It is,” Peter agreed, resting his chin on Elias’s hair.

Elias closed his eyes, smiling dreamily for a moment. Then he opened them, and said, “I’m just about ready for you to get dressed and get out of my office. And don’t come bother me until I need to be ravished again.”

Peter sighed sweetly and kissed the crown of his watcher’s head. “Anything you say, dear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _For those too young to know about[the boombox thing](https://youtu.be/S5Y8tFQ01OY) ..._
> 
> xx [siliconealien](http://siliconealien.tumblr.com)


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